SYC, CSA & NOYC TO MERGE!!!

It’s official, the board of director designees and commodores of all three clubs have been meeting secretively off site and have announced the mega-merger of New Orleans Yacht Club, Corinthian Sailing Association & Southern Yacht Club.  The newly formed mega club will be called the Southern New Orleans Sailing Association.  This deal could not have been consummated with out peacemaker power-negotiator Mr. Paletuo who brought these commodores who are all members of SYC together.  Commodore Herro said, “As long as it is a merger of equals, Charlie shouldn’t have a problem with it” he kept saying it over-and-over to himself …merger of equals …merger of equals…merger of equals…just like Daimler-Chrylser…we will keep all the American executives and engineers!  Commodore Klyse said, “It was a deal to good to refuse…economies of scale…so much synergy…just one big happy family and all those bills to consolidate”.   Commodore Write said, “when I was sailing any boats on that side of the harbor, I always found myself using their bathrooms any way…so it just made sense....that we go forward with this”. 

The three Commodores all resigned from their current positions and elected Jon Swift as Commodore of the interim merger hierarchy.  Commodore Swift, who is new to town from Ireland should have some fresh ideas and a dynamic vision for this new mega-club.  Interim Commodore Swift agreed to this leadership role as he thought it was a very modest proposal to implement. Commodore Swift then said in a press release, “I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of clubs is way two many for our area….and my intention is very far from being confined to providing only for the sail boat racers…it is of a much greater extent…I shall consider and necessitate the needs of the drunks, cruisers, chicken eaters, blue bloods, yats, smokers, non-smokers, tight wads, stink potters & but of course, the children too.”  He continued, “As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years, upon this important merger, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation in regards to why these clubs can not be merged.

In questioning Commodore Swift, about this modest proposal, he did acknowledge, that there were still a few small details to be ironed out.  To avoid congestion and over crowded facilities, all members with blue hair, hearing aids or are over 65 will be asked to give up their full memberships immediately.  Their memberships will be reduced to a new category called “The Early Bird Dining, Lunch and Bingo Only Membership”(which is pretty much self explanatory).  The swimming pool usage issue was a hurdle that could not be jumped.  Some members of the merger committee would not give way in regards to allowing a few of the NOYC men to wear their bikinis and/or waiving the requirement for  CSA fellows to bathe before entering the  pool.  They did reach an agreement however,…. because of the swimming pools high maintenance costs…it would be filled and paved…used for dry storage or mid-night basketball for local youths.  As for the committee boats, both NOYC I and Patrol II will be sunk and used as artificial reefs North of Buck Town.  The new club will purchase a new 40-foot carbon fiber baked boat from US Marine at a bargain price (wait till’ you see the cannon!).  The CSA shed will be converted back to the snowball stand it is known for during the warm months to be run by the juniors for fund raising.  During the colder months it will be used as a bungalow with bunk beds to be used by those members that should not be driving home.  The NOYC facility will be fitted for a new elevator and will host Blue-Head-Bingo five nights a week all proceeds will go to cover the expenses of our traveling racers.  The old SYC building will be renovated once again having a third floor added to accommodate the Capedeville, Challenge Cup, Mallory, Mid-winter & other North American Championship trophies that will be brought over in the merger.  When this deal is officially consummated, the GYA will recognize this new club as one but will allow for 3 Challenge Cup Teams & 4 Lipton teams because of its size. 

When others got wind of this new mega club merger, here is what was said; New Orleans Mayor Elect Ray Ragin was in support of the merger and offered the entire Municipal Harbor, Slips & Boat Houses to be put under the new mega-clubs management.  He added, “If we can sell the airport, why can’t we give the marina to my loyal Lakeview constituents…let them dredge there own sludge filled harbor.  Also related, Pontchartrain Yacht Club’s Commodore Bowlyard was said to be quite envious and jealous of this merger.  When Commodore Bowlyard, inquired as to why his fine club was not included?…Interim-Commodore Swift told him that if the South Shores “White-Flight” continued to be a problem, his club would most likely be annexed in 2003.

To here more about this merger you can contact Commodore Swift or come to the New Orleans to Mandeville skippers meeting on Thursday April 18^th at 7:00 pm  at  SNOSA (West) or the old New Orleans Yacht Club facility. 

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